What Up Peeps!!!
As I am in High School, I have noticed something that makes me, personally, feel uncomfortable and confused!!! First off, I should ask, when you were reading my blog entries and BEFORE you saw my pictures, did you think I was white?! (In better words: "Caucasian" ) Please be honest!!! Peeps, I don't get it!!! Sometimes, when people HEAR me, they actually thought that I was Caucasian!!! Just because I talk properly , have good grades, is in all Honors Classes, and has great manners doesn't mean that I'm Caucasian!!! I am an African-American, and I am proud of that!!!
I have a little story for you, Peeps!!! Back in the 8th grade, I used to know a guy in my band class. (Not Naming Names) And every time I saw him, he would give me a nickname!!! "OREO" I believe it was. Now, back at that time, I didn't understand. So, I would always go telling and asking my mom and dad what it had meant. They had told me that that person didn't know what they were talking about and they had told me to ignore him!!! But, of course, being only in the 8th grade, it was hard to ignore a person!!! They kept bugging me until I asked him what "OREO" had stood for!! And why he had called me that. He had told me this, "Because, you are black on the outside and white on the inside!" When he said this, I had felt completely flourished and embarrassed all at once!!! Now that I look back on that day, I've been questioning many things on all sorts of levels!!! Do people just look outside of a persons' personality? Who are racist? Why are they racist? Should I act this way or that way in this society? Do people consider me Caucasian or African-American on a day-to-day basis? Why do I feel alienated when I'm around other African-Americans?!
I must say, being in a school with majority Caucasian and Latinos(as), it's quite weird at times to be either the only African-American or the few in just one classroom!!! But, the question is, do I feel more comfortable being around Caucasian people than African-Americans?! As I'm questioning myself this, I'm leaning to the answer, "Yes"!! But, the reason why is because they (SOME) are sooo different from me!!! .......Or, am I different from them?! I don't curse, I use good manners, and I have crushes on Caucasian people!!! (Which, I can't control!!) Other African-Americans that I've encountered are the direct opposite!! But, does that mean that I'm being racist towards other African-Americans? This question is easy to answer, "NO!!! Not at all!!" So, why am I different from the rest of the "Pack"? Is it just my lifestyle that has shaped me to who I am today?! Or, do I just want to be different?!
Honestly, Peeps, I don't know!!! If you know the reason why, please let me know!!! These are questions that I may or may not understand when I'm older!! All I know, is that this is who I am, Peeps!!! I'm not trying to be fake here. This is who I am...and nobody or anything can change that!!! I hope, Peeps, that you can accept me for who I really am!! Well, I'll talk to you, Peeps, next week!!
*Remember*~The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
Your "Alienated" Friend,
Saidah Kamaria Wilson, A.K.A Princess Caspian
